As I approached my fortieth birthday, I kept hearing really negative words of advice like, “Be prepared. It’s all downhill from then on.” Well, I don’t agree that my life has gone downhill, but I have to admit that, after turning forty, little things started…changing. Even my cheery disposition took a hit. What you are about to read may turnoff many of my readers, but freedom of speech is one of the things I love about our country. It’s here…if you want to read it, great!…if not, then please wait for my next post (or read some of the older ones (?)).
I’ve heard many of my elders say that there are some things we just have to experience for ourselves or some things that just shouldn’t be discussed. Hmm…well why not? I’d rather have full information. I’d rather hear about the good, the bad and the ugly. For example, there are some not so pretty things about being a mom that I had never heard before having kids but was glad to eventually learn. Like just how difficult it is to handle newborn babies and that parents of newborns often get very little sleep (sometimes, as in our case, for over a year).
And my favorite little tidbit that came as a surprise: if you breast feed your kids, your breasts will be bigger during pregnancy and while you’re breastfeeding than they were before you were pregnant. But when you stop breastfeeding? They shrink. I mean, they end up smaller than they were pre-pregnancy. Did you know that? Okay, maybe I’m the only dope that didn’t know that, but I was surprised. Had I known, I would’ve told my husband, “Enjoy these babies now, because when I stop nursing, they’ll be much smaller.” But I didn’t know. Not a huge deal, but I would’ve liked to have known. That’s all.
Now I’m learning about something called perimenopause — that’s the time before menopause. Many books have been written about this topic, but I’ve only recently been given one that helped me understand what I’m going through right now.
I guess it makes sense that a woman’s body needs to go through a process (in which hormones go a little crazy) in adolescence to prepare her body for childbirth. The whole childbirth process wreaks havoc on a woman’s system. I’ll never forget how stunned my hubby looked when he witnessed our first child’s birth. During the cesarean section operation, he saw the doctors temporarily remove my insides, take our beautiful baby girl from my uterus, hand her off, then carefully replace my internal organs. And that was after eighteen hours of labor. Hard for him to witness, even harder for my body to endure. My recovery period was about six weeks long. My body had to readjust, go back to functioning without baby in utero. Big changes. Oh, it also switched from focusing on nourishing and growing a baby to becoming a milk factory. Yep. There was a whole lot going on.
So…
To prepare for the active years of childbirth, a woman’s body sort of gears up in adolescence and our girls become moody, emotional, a little more unpredictable and more womanly. What about when the body is preparing to shutdown? It makes sense that that requires some time, too. Our bodies are putting on the brakes, sort of. Slowing down the system until it can finally report, “Okay, chief. The childbirth factory has officially ceased operations.” Sure, now that I really think about it, it makes sense. How could I expect it to just stop overnight? “That’s it. No more periods. You’re done.”
No, not like that at all. Instead, we go through yet another hormonal time (which is tough not only for our loved ones having to deal with us, but also for us). It’s a transition period. We sometimes become moody, more emotional and more unpredictable. For example, I recently volunteered to help in my daughter’s school and found myself overcome with frustration when the kids just wouldn’t quiet down. I understand now what it’s like for substitute teachers. Kids push the limits with anyone who’s not their regular homeroom teacher. Anyway, I raised my voice a little and said they needed to quiet down and not start playing the strategy games they were about to play. Not a big deal, maybe, but I haven’t stopped thinking about it (and it happened several weeks ago). I’ve helped out in classrooms for about a decade or so and I’ve never done that. I’m usually the one who smiles and maybe rings a little bell or something or waits until they stop talking before proceeding. But this time…I don’t know…I just said, “Do NOT begin until you are ALL seated.” It just wasn’t me. You know what I mean? I was thinking, “Did I just say that out loud?” I felt guilty and embarrassed and wanted to run out of there. When I got home, I thought, “Maybe I just can’t handle the older kids. Maybe I shouldn’t do things like that anymore.” Then I started to read that book my friend gave me.
It’s called, The Pause by Lonnie Barbach.
I encourage every 30 something woman to read it.
That’s as much as I’ll say right now, but I’ll give you more details when I finish the book.
If you’re looking for a great video game to buy loved ones this holiday season but you’re overwhelmed by the myriad choices, then I have the perfect game for you - Super Mario Galaxy! Well, that’s if the person for whom you’re buying owns a Nintendo Wii (or will be getting one soon). I know that they’re often ridiculously difficult to buy (and I’m pretty disgusted by that fact–why can’t Nintendo be more reasonable about meeting the demand?). So if you’re not looking for a Wii game, then look at my earlier post about top video games or go with a gift card. Better yet, give the child some cash and tell him that it’s a donation toward his Wii fund…no, just kidding.
Since he was first introduced (way back in the early ’80s), I’ve been playing video games that feature Mario and I can tell you this one is the absolute best.
He’s gone from this:
to this:
I’m so excited about this game. When we were kids, the best video game we had was Pong. My hubby and I actually bought an Atari Flashback system (which plays Pong) in part, for its nostalgic value, but also to show the kids how far these video games have come. I mean, sure, you probably know that video games are nothing like Pong. Maybe you’ve even played a few. I’m telling you this one is not simply better than Pong, it’s better than anything out there.
Here’s the deal: he flies from planet to planet in various galaxies (each level is a different galaxy). His mission? To defeat his evil nemesis, Bowser, and rescue his true love, Princess Peach. That’s always been his objective, but it’s the way he does it that’s different…well, significantly different…in this title.
I think Nintendo put together the best of all its previous Mario games then vastly improved upon them, thanks to the breakthrough technology of the Wii system.
You really have to see it (or better yet play it) to understand (you can try it out at Target or Gamestop). If you’ve never played video games, or you haven’t played since Pong in 1979, and just don’t see what all the fuss is about, try this one and you’ll see. It’s just that good.
If you’ve seen the Nintendo Wii at the stores but (honestly) were too intimidated to try using the controller contraption, here’s a brief primer on how to do it: the wireless controller (with the nunchuck attached) makes you feel like you’re really part of the action. Sometimes you gently shake the controller, other times you click it or just point it at the screen (actually the sensor bar above the television is what’s receiving the signal from the controller). In your left hand, you hold the nunchuck (which has the control stick). Your left thumb moves the control stick around and that moves your character around the screen. As with all the older controllers, the right hand still has the “A” button which makes him jump. But when he jumps now it’s not like that ’80s Donkey Kong jump, rather, if you learn how to make him jump well, he can do a little cartwheel high in the air, spin around and so much more. You’ll also be using the controllers to make him fly in a bee costume, transform into a Boo and more. Oh, if you’ve never seen a Boo in Mario, watch this:
That’s enough information for you to go into a store and see for yourself how much fun this game provides! Or maybe you’ve seen enough here to convince you!
Girls like it, boys like it, moms and dads love it.
Go get it! You won’t be sorry.*
When I was a kid, the only time I ever served detention was in eighth grade. Standing in the cafeteria, right next to the assistant principal, I cracked my gum…several times. It was a bad habit.
I stopped chewing gum after that and I’ve tried to avoid buying it for my kids. I blame it on the aspartame. “Oh, sorry, can’t buy that. Has aspartame.” Then my kids found this great gum at Trader Joe’s called Glee Gum.
The gum pieces are small squares, so it’s much better than chewing those huge clumps of bubble gum and it’s not filled with all kinds of weird chemicals. I’m not crazy about Tic Tacs (the flavors seem a little…off to me and I always feel like I need to eat a handful to really satisfy the mint craving), so I thought this would be a good way to deal with coffee breath. I grab the little box whenever I need a little breath freshening. Harmless so far, right?
Well, the other night, the kids and I were driving back from my daughter’s chorus practice. The car was filled with music, chatter, and laughter when suddenly “Crack, pop, crack!” everyone froze. My daughter looked at me and softly asked, “What was that?” We don’t chew much gum in our house. I looked over at her like I was a teenager caught with a beer in her hand. “Uh…well…that? Yeah, well…it must have been part of the song.” She kept looking at me then slowly started grinning — you know, that slow “gotcha” grin. “Noooo, I don’t think so.” Grinning a little more. Then, “Are you chewing gum?” Brief pause. “No, wait, did you just crack your gum?”
They know all about the eighth grade experience. That’s partly why they were surprised I was even chewing it, but cracking it? That was the dirty deed. The black mark. The cause of my detention.
My daughter’s right at that age when she watches everything I do, analyzes it and records it in her “notes of mom” mental diary. I felt as if I could see the little teeny pencil in her head furiously scribbling an addendum.
“Isn’t that what you got detention for? Back in eighth grade?” My daughter is in middle school right now. She can relate.
“Um, well, yes.” It’s funny how memories take us back so much that we almost feel like that little kid all over again. Embarrassed. Humiliated.
Somebody somewhere (I hope!) is probably saying, “What the heck? You just popped chewing gum? What’s the big deal?” It’s all relative, I guess, so just insert your own transgression.
Anyway, so there I am, trapped in a car, in a very awkward moment with the kids wondering what I would say next. Would I spit out the gum and say, “Yeah, boy, I should have learned my lesson back then. It’s just plain rude to the people around me to pop gum. Sorry. Bad example.” and move on? Would I say, “That’s right, kiddo. Never mind! I’m the mom so I can! But you…don’t even think about doing it…ever!”
Nah, I took the middle road.
“Why, yes, I did,” I calmly replied.
Then my son chimes in, “How did you do that??”
So that’s all this is about. They’re fascinated at a new trick they want to learn. Hmm…okay. Different dilemma now. Do I say, “Never mind. You shouldn’t do that, so you don’t need to know.” Or should I teach them how?
I took a deep breath and told myself, “This is where you need to let go. I mean, you work for years and years with your kids to try and instill a sense of good judgment so that one day, when they’re chewing gum, standing next to their assistant principal, they’ll know what to do. They’ll make the right choice. They will have learned from you. Er, well, from your mistake. Even if they’re chewing the forbidden gum and they know how to crack it.”
So, I said, “It’s simple. It’s like blowing a bubble, just backwards. Flatten out the gum with your tongue and your teeth…”
I’ve read (and loved!) this quote but when I found the video of the man actually saying it, I wanted to share it as a post.
and I like this one, too:
I hope his words inspire my kids (and not just when they play basketball).
When you’re feeling down, just remember that sometimes you need to fail in order to succeed. When you screw up or even just stumble a bit, you need to pick yourself up, put yourself back out there and keep trying. Our mistakes help us learn and make us grow. Or, more accurately, it’s the lessonsfrom the mistakes.
I think we need to keep learning and growing all our lives. And hey, if that’s true, the sooner we stop beating ourselves up for mistakes we’ve made and view them as opportunities to learn the better off we’ll be.
Oh, and just in case you don’t know Michael Jordan, read this.
I confided in someone (whom I considered to be a wise elder) that mothering was exhausting and all consuming. I wondered aloud whether I could make some time to do some things for myself without feeling guilty. I mentioned that I had read some articles about how it was important for parents to take care of themselves and that doing so would actually help the whole family because the happiness of the parents directly related to the well being of the kids. This well intentioned friend said, “Well, look at Mother Teresa! She does everything selflessly. Why can’t you?”
That conversation kept me down for about a week.
Then it hit me (thank God!). I am not Mother Teresa, I’ve never held myself out as anything close to Mother Teresa, and I don’t even want to be Mother Teresa!
My bottom line is this: I am convinced that parents need to take care of themselves and continue to develop themselves fully as human beings in order to be the best parents they can be. This means that we need to nourish ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I heard Oprah’s doc, Mehmet Oz say that we need a balance of good nutrition, happy mental states (meaning finding whatever makes us feel joy and allowing ourselves to engage in it regularly), and healthy sex lives. I completely agree. My hubby often reminds me of that spiel the flight attendants give on the planes — if the plane’s going down, you need to give the oxygen to yourself first and then give it to the children. Well, this is the same kind of thing. We need to take care of ourselves first (to a reasonable degree) and then our fulfilled, nurtured selves can be more fully present for our kids.
So go out and do something for yourself today (without harboring an ounce of guilt). See what happens. Maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Maybe it can be the start of a whole new attitude toward parenting. Or maybe you’ll just have something to look back on to help you through a trying day.
As for me, I just know this: I’m going to keep telling myself that no one expects me to be a saint (well maybe that one old friend) but I’m lowering my standards and I’m okay with it. Actually, I’m more than okay with it. I’m happy about it.
Have the courage to be imperfect and the wisdom to not even attempt to be saintly.
It’s no secret to those who know me well that I love Apple and its iPhone. So it may come as a surprise that I’m intrigued by something non-Apple that I read about in today’s New York Times. In the article, “Google Discloses Plans to Put a PC in Every Pocket,” I learned that Intel has a new Mobile Internet Device (MID) that looks really cool. It’s bigger than a cell phone, but smaller than a laptop.
Here’s a look:
It might not look like much to you, but read more about its capabilities by clicking here.
Hmmm…interesting….
That’s just one of the devices — the one that’s already on the market — that’s made by this alliance of companies (which includes Google at the helm, plus Motorola, Samsung, T-Mobile, Sprint and others). They’re planning on making phones that function more like computers. So you’ll be able to surf the Internet, work on your blog and talk on the phone (with a Bluetooth earpiece). So, no, you won’t put this big rectangle up to your head, you’ll have it conveniently stowed in your purse or carrying case and just talk through the earpiece. Then, say, when you’re done with some errands, you can go for a coffee, sit down, take out the device and work on your blog. Mmmmm…I find this absolutely thrilling. I can’t wait until they work out the kinks.
Have you heard about the latest danger to our kids? Staph infections (or Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (or MRSA) infections). To learn more, read this article about MRSA or this article from the Mayo Clinic. It used to be thought of as a hospital infection but has more recently been problematic in schools and playgrounds.
Here’s an article about how to help protect your kids from MRSA while they’re at school.
In all the articles I’ve read, experts agree that kids need to (at least!) take simple precautions like washing their hands well. Here’s a site with a downloadable poster about hand washing. And here’s an information-packed site which includes a good article about the importance of hand washing (for your especially reluctant kids). If that part of the website is too young for your kids, then try their link for teens, by clicking here.
The other most important point I took away from the articles was to be sure to clean any open wounds on your kids and cover them with bandages. Don’t give in to the, “Aw, mom, it’s okay…” whine.
Image from USA Today (by Nancy Stone, Chicago Tribune, via AP).
