Comments on: Is This Sport?

By: sponda

sponda — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 14:41:54 +0000

I have a daughter that is in the 10th grade. She had to switch schools when she became a 9th grader because girls were bullying her (3 long years of that) so she is at the other school now. She is active in all sports and is good at them. But some of the parents are calling the coach and complaining that their child should play varsity because their child deserves to play too (my duaghter was the only sophomore that was asked by the coach) so parents are mad. I think being that she is not from this town and their kids are I am thinking they do not like this at all!! And one of the girls on the basketball team went to the coach and told him that my daughter was gonna try out for cheerleading and so the coaches went to my daughter and really yelled at her, she was so upset, so now the girl that told on her is starting over my daughter (because she told) and the girl admitted to it because she wanted to play. So my daughter feels like she can not say anything about it because she is a outsider. I have 3 kids, this one is my last child, I NEVER had to deal with kind of meddling parents before. This is so stupid. What can a person do in this type of situation? This happened in Volleyball as well.

By: joepah

joepah — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 05:36:42 +0000

The Refs clearly should have done a better job of officiating and noticed what the dad had called his daughter to do. I would have stopped the game after the first hard foul and warned that girl and told her that one more of those and she would get a technical and so would the coach. I would have warned both coaches and benches about it and that should have done the trick…some refs just [stink] and some are ‘ok’ but are just pushovers. It sounds like this ref was calling fouls but wasn’t proactive enough to know how to handle the situation.

You were right in avoiding the situation. You taught your daughter a beautiful lesson in doing so, whereas that dad proved he was a [jerk] and deserves a [butt] beating. What a fool. I would have taken my daughter out of the game after foul 2 and left the gym. Enoughs enough.

[Whoa, dude. I hear you. Wish you had been there! Thanks for weighing in here.

---bmgmom]

By: Tara R.

Tara R. — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 00:12:00 +0000

My daughter played soccer from the time she was in kindergarten through all four years of high school. She played travel ball too. I know first hand how bad some parents can get. It is amazing and often frightening. But, the friends she made through this sport she will have the rest of her life. Encourage her to keep playing, but don’t force her if the joy has gone out of the game.

By: Sandy (Momisodes)

Sandy (Momisodes) — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 03:35:56 +0000

I agree. You did a fabulous job keeping your cool and listening to your daughter. So glad to hear she’s getting back into the game

By: missivesfromsuburbia

missivesfromsuburbia — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 22:40:22 +0000

Ohhh, you are so wise, my dear. Good for you for listening to what your daughter wanted to do. That’s a lesson for me to store away for a future date, because I’m pretty sure I would have gone over and shot my mouth off to Attack Dad and embarrassed the heck out of my kid.

By: rkref

rkref — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 15:30:43 +0000

As a dad, I can say that I share BusyDad’s feelings. The trick is, when you see your own daughter mistreated by the other team, what can you do? It triggers a protective, instinctual desire to punch “Attack Dad” for being such an SOB, but intellectually, you know that’s not setting a good example for your daughter and could lead to a lawsuit or even an arrest. What I try to do is appeal to the refs quietly during time outs, or to calmly say something to our own team’s coach. I try to be careful to not come from the perspective of telling them how to do their jobs, but rather speak as a concerned parent. Something like “Not sure if you’ve noticed, but my daughter has gotten hacked out there several times and I can tell she’s hurting. I’d really appreciate it if you could keep an eye on that before something serious happens to her. Thanks!”

I coach my kids, and I know that this approach of making a discreet comment to the ref has been very effective in highlighting certain overzealous conduct on the other team and typically leads to the ref stepping up and calling more fouls. Often the refs are are just young kids volunteering, and their own skill as refs varies wildly. Often they err on the side of using their whistle sparingly — not just for physical contact but for traveling, double-dribble, “3-seconds” lane violations, etc., in the spirit of letting the kids play. They really don’t have a personal stake in the outcome, and probably didn’t realize the seriousness of the fouls. Staying cool helps keep the refs from getting biased against your team — if you lose it, it may backfire.

It is infuriating to see it happen, however. Interestingly, I’ve seen it more often in girls basketball than boys basketball. Maybe it’s because in boys basketball there’s an understood code that you don’t pull that kind of crap in games. Maybe it’s because in girls basketball you have some dads that are wishing their daughters to be more “guy-like” and physical (perhaps dads without sons are the greater offenders here – I don’t know). No excuse — it is ridiculous.

By: Ashley Sanders

Ashley Sanders — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 16:24:42 +0000

Wow…my heart goes out for you and your daughter. That sucks. I think it would’ve taken everything in me to NOT say anything. I think walking away was a good choice, you have no clue what this guy is capable of! I would call like another commenter said, to report it. I don’t know much about rules, but was he allowed to do that? Step in as a coach when he was not one? Next time (if it is a rule), maybe you could get the refs to step in by memorizing where that rule is in the rulebook? Or writing it and keeping it in your purse?

In Middle School, I played girl’s basketball. I’m 5’1″ at 22 years old…so in 7th grade…I was even smaller. I would have girls elbow me in the stomach and turn so the refs couldn’t see and dig their claws in me…and then my coaches taught me to pivot with the ball in a firm grip and basically clear a way…which happened to also hit some of those girls back.

I think that one kid could’ve been thrown out of the game, couldn’t she? I mean, there HAS to be a rule against abusing other players on the court!

By: BusyDad

BusyDad — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 08:06:03 +0000

Hey that’s really cool to hear (read?)! Thanks for the update. And I am really happy that I could put an image in your head to smile about because this stuff is pretty darn frustrating and we see more and more of it each day.

[Too true, BD. Too true.

--- bmgmom]

By: bmgmom

bmgmom — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 16:49:20 +0000

I just wanted to say thank you to all of the wonderful bloggers for their compassionate, supportive comments. I’m happy to say that I think they’ve really helped. I told my daughter about your thoughts and words of wisdom and she does seem to have a better understanding of the situation. In fact, in practice last night she seemed to have her spark back. So, thank you!!

By: Kim

Kim — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 16:16:42 +0000

I hate reading this kind of intimidation that kids face from parents. It is one thing that kids have to deal with other kids, but throw a parent in the mix who is supposed to know better? It just infuriates me to no end.

Happy thoughts to your girl after encountering such a moron.

[Oh, I know! That's the worst part of this whole thing. Friendly, tough competition is one thing, but a nasty overly involved parent...
Thanks so much for your happy thoughts.

---bmgmom]