The night before I was leaving for San Francisco to attend the BlogHer Conference, my kids broke down, urging me not to go or, better yet, to take them with me. They couldn’t bear the thought of my being away for so many days. They made the point that I had never been apart from them, so it was unbearable to even imagine. I expected them to miss me a little, but they’re responsible, confident kids. I didn’t expect a complete meltdown.
Whoa.
I was thinking something more like this:
I wasn’t sure how to react. Over the years, I’ve learned that it’s always best to remain calm and resist any emotional reaction to anything our kids tell us. So I breathed deeply and just listened to them. I thought that if I just gave them a little time to share whatever they were feeling, they’d feel better. But the tears kept coming.
So I gave them hugs. And more hugs. And loads of sympathetic words.
I reminded them of other trips I took with some of my girlfriends. They quickly replied, “But those weren’t as long … and those were in the same state!”
Okay, well, yeah…
More tears.
Yikes.
At that point, I felt like crying.
I started to question my motivation. “Hmm…” I thought, “Yeah, actually, why am I going to this conference??” Self doubt crept in. “Do I really need to go?”
After about an hour (!), they went to sleep and I went to work.
I made a video of our night time ritual, including the prayers, the songs, and the words I’ve recited since they were babies. I left notes for them on the kitchen table and I tried to get in a better frame of mind.
Hubby was great (always so supportive) and looked at me with a knowing grin (knowing that I was conflicted, but knowing how much I had been looking forward to attending the event). He reminded me ever so gently, “Oh, of course you’re still going. Don’t be silly.”
Right. Okay.
So I finished packing, got about three hours of sleep and headed to the airport.
As I was maneuvering around the airport, going through security, waiting at the gate, boarding the plane, I realized that this was the first time since before I was married that I was traveling alone. I used to love traveling alone. But I had forgotten that it was almost a passion. I forgot so much that it all felt new and a bit uncomfortable.
So I bumbled along, feeling a bit awkward and out of place. At first, I found myself apologizing for having to move past other passengers to get to my seat or for taking a bit too much time to stow my luggage in the overhead compartment. Wait. Let me say those words again - my luggage, my seat. I’ve become used to stowing the kids’ luggage, making sure the kids had enough activities to occupy them en route, checking on the kids to see whether they needed anything.
As I settled in to this familiar yet forgotten feeling, I found myself smiling more and more.
I moved from doubting myself (”Maybe I should have stayed home and just skipped this trip”) to feeling more confident and lively than I’d felt in many years. I felt younger and emotionally lighter. I noticed a definite absence of those judgmental looks from strangers that suggested things like, “Oh, she’s a mom.”
“Her kids sure are loud and talkative.”
“Why is she giving them candy? Are they drinking soda, too?”
“Doesn’t she ever brush that girl’s hair?”
No matter how much we do as parents, we somehow manage to feel inadequate.
But then? At that moment? Up there at 36,000 feet? It was just me. Heck these strangers didn’t even know whether I was a mom.
It made me feel a little giddy … and put a little spring in my step.
When I stepped off that plane in San Francisco, I felt like Mary Tyler Moore in her show opening or, no, how about Rihanna in Don’t Stop the Music.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Bottom line?
Parents should take some time out to remember who we are when we’re not with the kids. We’re not just parents. We still have our passions, our interests, our talents. We just need to tap into them once in a while. And when we do? Mmmm. Fabulous.
Then, when we go home to our kids, we can throw our arms around them to give them sincere, emphatic, grateful bear hugs and really revel in all that we are.
- *
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Images from Google Images and the sites linked within the pictures.
*Actually, that’s Rihanna with her little brother; the photo is used only for.
Written by SoapB
15 comments ↓
TOTALLY agree. I think it’s very important for parents to have things going on that don’t involve their kids. I’m not talking about doing that to the extreme, but having other aspects of your life that are just “yours” is very important. I have a couple of friends whose kids have recently left the next and, sadly, these friends had put their own identities aside (pretty much) to raise their kids. Of course they did a fabulous job of raising the kids, but they became very, very depressed as empty nesters because they lost themselves along the way. Suddenly the creatures who took up 100% of their time didn’t need them as much, and they were lost.
Bottom line: I think Mom & Dad bring more to the table when they can expand their horizons once in a while. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids (or that you wouldn’t think of them while on your afternoon or weekend–or whatever–away).
Melisas last blog post..Blades of Glory
Ooops, not “left the next”. Left the NEST. Sorry.
Melisas last blog post..Blades of Glory
Hey you!
Good for you, going to Blogher! I am excited for you!
Can’t wait to hear all about it.
And the kidlets will be fine and will appreciate you even more when you come home!
Leeann
Leeanns last blog post..Cheap Labor
Good post. It can be hard can’t it. But it sounds like it’s already paying off. Have fun! Miss the kids some, they will miss you some.
PGs last blog post..My $600 T-Shirt (167/365)
I’m jealous of your trip! Hope you have a great time. The kids will be fine, and be all the more glad to see you when you get back …. with their guilt gifts. Ha!
Tara R.s last blog post..Friday Blessings ~ 2.5
We are lucky enough to have parents who take our kids all the time - something which is great for our parents, the kids and us. In fact in a few months both grandmas are taking the kids to disneyworld. Just don’t tell them, it’s a surprise! This time away is very beneficial to all.
Peter Answerss last blog post..Do You Know Peter Answers?
Nicole,
I’m glad we got to meet at BlogHer. It is hard to leave the kids for something “just for you,” but hopefully you feel it was worth it. I definitely think it was — but I can’t wait to get home now!
http://www.WorkingMomsAgainstGuilt.com
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Susan Jacksons last blog post..Mamas on the Town
I left my 5 kids and husband in Feb to go to a conference in Vegas for two days. It was weird for me and I felt choked up a couple times while there but I didn’t cry. My kids did not cry - but I hoped they missed me. Now that I remember it the worse part was getting engorged from breastfeeding and not having a baby. OUCH- you only live once. Great post!
Michelle Gartners last blog post..Slithering Jake Does Not Cause Devastating Mayhem.
I’m finally getting some ME time this week. Oh YEAH! I completely understood the feeling of change you experienced when you started out - getting there.
Glad you had a great time!
Beth from the Funny Farms last blog post..Well…. A Free Weekend Coming Up!
I agree. I missed mine so very much. Or course, I never once doubted going like you did [*lol*] but I was so happy to be home with them.
I have to experience San Francisco with them one day. They’d love it.
It was so wonderful to meet you. You are probably the sweetest person I was able to spend time with - just thinking about you makes me smile.
Marias last blog post..Jet-Lag: Vlog
Amen, my dear.
I’m sorry I didn’t make it this year. Promise me you’ll come with me next year?
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)s last blog post..Negotiating With God
Well, if there’s any more fallout, you just tell them that their noble sacrifice made two underprivileged bloggers (that would be me and BusyDad, both West Coasters) the happiest two bloggers in the world. It’s like Make A Wish, with booze and matching shirts.
Mr Ladys last blog post..Rate the Hate the So Awesome We Need Equipment Edition
My kids(daughter 15, son 9) are spending their summer in Brazil with my wife’s family. They went there June 19th and will be there till Aug. 19th.
My wife and I stay in touch with them via Skype.
Best,
Stephen
Stephens last blog post..Looking for Women Who Have Lost Weight by Accident
I love leaving my kids. I try to do it once or twice a year at least. I think it’s healthy for me to not have to carry anyone around. Remember who I am at the core.
I feel liberated and younger and I tend to rebel a little by smoking (cause I quit for them like a good mommy.)
The kids are fine. They have a growing experience. Sometimes growing is more painful than others. But, you go anyway. Cause they learn from others too - not just mommy.
Great entry. I think we all need to take a little break now and again. My son is two and I have never left him over night yet. But I take regular outings with the gals or guy pals and it feels good to get away.
MommySpeaks last blog post..The ones we love…..
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