My husband is a brilliant man. Very knowledgeable. About many things. I don’t say that to brag, rather to highlight his ability to answer our kids’ questions in many areas, including obscure historical facts and tidbits. But when it comes to math? He’s not their go to person. I am.
And I have to admit…it feels pretty darn good.
Sometimes I feel pretty inadequate when I don’t know the answers to questions about Greek mythology (was never a passion of mine) or ancient Rome (ditto).
But math? I love math. I tutored Calculus in college. I probably should have majored in Applied Mathematics. It’s exciting to me. Magical. Actually, I’ve been known to lecture the kids about the magic of math and to do so with a sparkle in my eyes and a smile on my face.
And you know what? My kids love math. I don’t mean to be smug; I mean, I’m not giving myself all the credit for that fact. But I bet it doesn’t hurt that I can get pretty excited about thePythagorean Theorem . Or that I’ve told them about the navy t-shirt (I even remember the color) I used to have when I was around ten with a sketch on it that looked something like this:
Yeah, I’ve always loved math. In fact, when I was around my daughter’s age, special time with my dad consisted of his teaching me about the Base 10 system and slide rules . Woohoo!
So…why not celebrate it? I don’t shove it in their faces or insist that they learn about the slide rule before ever using a calculator (which is what my dad did with me). But they’re well aware of my passion for math. And they don’t hesitate to come to me with any questions that arise as they tackle daily homework.
We here at Soapbox Mom are excited about the latest addition to the site - a podcast! We’re calling it Soapbox Radio. It’s a show for moms, dads, men, women, and kids about anything and everything. I’m kicking off the show by highlighting bloggers, particularly those whom I know relatively well and think are just so amazing that I want the world to hear about them (or at least the handful of people who will listen to the show!). I’ll have shownotes and links after the shows as well as previews about upcoming shows right here on Soapbox Mom and also on my Soapbox Radio site.
I’m especially excited to say that on Tuesday, May 13 at 1:00 pm (ET) I’ll be joined by my first guest, BD (or Jim) author of the Busy Dad Blogand BusyDad Tales - the comic (illustrated by Jim’s childhood friend, Jeff Day). Jim is a tremendously talented guy with an adorable young son, whom he fondly refers to as Fury. You can see Jim and Fury in the entertaining videos on his site and read all about them on both sites.
Soapbox Radio is recorded live each week on Tuesdays at 1:00 pm (ET). Just follow this link and click on “click to listen.” You can call in and ask questions (or tell Jim how much you enjoy his blog and comic!) at 347.326.9613. If you miss the show, you’ll be able to download it and play it right on this website.
Before the first show, though, I’m asking for your help. I need a tagline for the show.
Here are some of the ideas suggested so far:
Soapbox Radio -
1. … - bringing out your inner soap.
2. … - bringing the box to you.
3. … - getting to the heart of the matter.
4. … - where the blog is the box.
5. … - the podcast that brings the soapbox to you.
6. … - bringing out the soap inside you.
7. … - gettin’ soapy wit it.
8. … - the platform for people to be real and be heard!
9. … - [open to something completely different!]
What do you think? My daughter and I like #4, my hubby likes #1, and my son loves (and came up with) #6. Feel free to write in your own!
But even more importantly, please tune in on Tuesday!
Last year around Mother’s Day, I heard someone say that mothers are closest to their children when they’re in the womb. From the moment they’re born we’re slowly letting them go. I agree. When they’re babies they need our help; but year by year they grow more independent. By the time they get to school, it’s best to let them do their own thing and learn what they’re there to learn. Even if those lessons are painful. Or when we know they may fail.
School projects come to mind as a great example. I know so many parents who just don’t want to let go of their kids. They want to help. So they start out just observing, then they help a little, then a little more then a little more and before you know it, they’ve done a majority of the work. I think that’s unfortunate.
Kids should do their own school projects.
Last year, I walked into my son’s classroom and saw a beautiful display with so much detail and intricate handiwork, I immediately knew no third grader made it. I hadn’t helped my son at all, so immediately I felt guilty. I pulled another mom over and sheepishly asked, “Were we supposed to help do these projects?” She looked stunned (yet impressed) by the professional looking display before us. She muttered, “Noooo” as she continued to check out the board. I felt first confused and then annoyed.
What’s the point of someone’s mother doing a third grade project? Why would a parent feel compelled to take over for her child? Does she fear the kid might fail without her help? Does she think the kid just isn’t doing it right (i.e., the way the parent would do it if it were his/her project?)? How can the kid learn anything if the parent takes over and does everything for him? Isn’t there something to be said for the child’s learning experience?
I know it’s tempting. Heck, I was the worst offender when my son was a bit younger. Whenever he felt a twinge of frustration, I was the mom who would jump in and say, “Oh, here sweetie, let me do that for you” and actually think I was helping him. Now, years later, I see how that kind of rescuing behavior only makes the kid feel incompetent. It must be pretty demoralizing to think you need your mom to come and do everything for you. That over-protectiveness simply has to change at some point. The sooner the better (within reason).
It’s sometimes tricky to find the line. How much help is enough without being too much?
As parents, we’re effectively training our children to be the best adults they can be. As each year passes, we hope to pass on more and more tools for life. I know parents who taught their kids to do their own laundry when they were in third grade. Many other parents teach their kids how to cook so that they’ll be able to handle living on their own. Their rationale? We can’t expect them to go off to college knowing how to live independently if we haven’t given them adequate guidance. And we can’t sit down two weeks before they’re ready to leave and say, “Okay, junior, here’s what you’ll need to know when you get there.” So we give it to them piecemeal. Little by little, step by step. They learn to walk before they can run. They learn to chop vegetables before they make a stew.
And sometimes you let them fall so that they know they’ll survive the many pains of life but also so they know that they can do it. So that they can feel confident
And, if you accept the idea that we’re training them for life, then how can you justify taking over a job that has been assigned to someone else? I mean, when they’re in their 20s, I’m not about to go to their places of business and run their meetings. But we shouldn’t be completely hands off either.
So here’s the policy in our house: hubs and I will buy any necessary materials, maybe even advise on which materials might work best or make suggestions but that’s it. We encourage the kids and guide them but we also make sure that they take ownership of the task. And we follow up by asking what they learned by doing the project (because that is the point after all).
And you know what? It’s made a huge difference!
When parents give their children sufficient guidance and freedom to let their imaginations soar (without imposing their own viewpoints or worse, taking over entire projects) we give our kids the confidence and self satisfaction that helps them grow into secure, assertive adults.
I remember a few years back when my son hated going to the grocery store. He used to get really cranky and made it known that he would’ve preferred to be anywhere else. But I made it clear that we had to get food and we had to do it at that allotted time. I explained to him, "Look, it is what it is. We’re here at the store and we have to be here at the store. You can suffer through it and whine, moan, complain and wish you were anywhere else but here, or you can choose to make it a fun experience. I guarantee that if you choose that first option, this experience will feel like it’s taking three hours and you’ll dislike nearly every moment. However, if you choose the second option, I’ll bet we can find a way to make it fun. How about if you help me find some of the items on the shelves and put them in the cart. You can even toss a few things into it. What do you say?" He chose the second option and when we came out of that store, he was beaming. We had a great time.
Now I use that experience as a touchstone when we are in other situations that are not particularly fun for him. Or even when he has a challenging school project — I remind him that it’s his choice to either go through the experience filled with dread or to find a way to make it through (or maybe even make it fun), then come out the other side and look forward to the moment when he can do something that he wants to do.
His first grade teacher used to say, "Do your have -tos before your want -tos."
Sometimes … many times … we have to do things that we’d rather not do. But, the more we accept the present moment, face it (better yet, enjoy it) — no matter how much it scares us or how much discomfort it brings us — the better off we’ll be.
No matter which decade of my life I’m in (or nearing), I always want to take time out to play. When I play a great game with the kids, play tennis, work out, shoot hoops, or just walk the dog, I feel better physically and am usually in a better mood. My tolerance level rises and, overall, I’m better able to handle challenges that come my way.
When I mentioned to many of my friends that we were spending spring break in San Francisco, I was met with quizzical, curious gazes and statements like these: “Oh, well, now that’s interesting. Let me know how it goes.” Okay. Sure.
We started with a relatively painless plane ride to sunny CA. My son was lucky enough to snag the window seat, so he took a photo of the clouds.
Flying with school aged kids is really not bad at all. You’re past the baby stage, when you’re wondering whether you’ll get evil stares from judgmental, intolerant passengers if your baby makes so much as a peep. You’re also past that toddler/little kid stage where you need to have snacks, beverages, toys and books ready to go to entertain the little people and you have to worry about bathroom breaks. I’m happy to say that, by this age, they can entertain themselves (especially with today’s cool technology gadgets and in-flight movies). They downloaded very different selections (DS - football highlights, DD - Suite Life of Zack & Cody episodes) but so what? Whatever makes ‘em happy. Here’s a view of DS’s tray table:
(DS took this photo, too). It shows his mini Munny that he created during the flight as well as a few other items that kept him busy.
DD, meanwhile, was fascinated by her soda can:
When we finally arrived, you’d think I’d be most interested in this
or this.
But what really got my attention was the food. It’s so darn good in California. They have things like this
and this
and this
and this.
Mmmmm…I can taste it right now. It’s one of the best reasons to visit that state.
You can also find interesting things to buy, like this bag made out of seatbelts from a 1950s Buick
(okay, sure, you can get it online, too, but I didn’t know it existed until I saw it in CA).
For your techy, playful side, they also have cool places like Zeum (an arts and technology museum), The Tech (museum of innovation) and Exploratorium (a hands-on science museum). At Zeum, the kids made a claymation movie, where they made clay characters then used one of the museum’s existing sets, cameras and computer programs to create a short movie. The Zeum folks give you a DVD of your movie to take home, too! You can also record your own CD (using a teleprompter and microphone) or appear in a toothpaste commercial (which also records to a DVD for you to take with you, with a suggested donation of $5). It’s a nonprofit museum in the middle of San Francisco that’s worth an afternoon of your time.
We were disappointed by a place that our (apparently outdated) guidebook referred to as “heaven for tweens” called Metreon which is basically just a building that houses a movie theater, restaurants and an arcade. Don’t bother.
If your kids like computers, I recommend a 40 minute drive to an out of the way place called The Tech, which is in San Jose/Silicon Valley. The Tech is another science/technology kind of place. You can do funky things like take a picture of your head then play with the image on a computer, making it look as if it were made out of brick, concrete, wire, and more. Fascinating! Other activities included designing a bicycle, creating a computer roller coaster (and then going for a simulated ride on it!), experiencing a simulated earthquake and reading from a teleprompter to record (what sort of seems like) a speech on the floor of Congress.
Superimpose your face into a floating spacesuit.
Back in San Francisco, Exploratoriumwas a blast, particularly their new exhibit called The Mind where older kids can manipulate all kinds of contraptions while learning more about perceptions, causal relationships and physics. My favorite was The Tactile Dome, which is basically a maze that you crawl through in complete blackness (it’d be quite scary for most little kids, so the museum sets a minimum age requirement of seven).
My whole family loved this adventure. It was definitely the highlight of this museum. Well, that’s if you don’t include the toilet drinking fountain.
Would you take a drink?
Kids of a certain age, though, will always be drawn to playgrounds. No matter where you go on vacation. Sure enough, DS’s face lit up like a CFL when he saw the playground near Zeum. After spending a good chunk of time there, he concluded, “This is the best playground I’ve ever seen!”
So, even if your kids are just not interested in museums, you can take them to this playground and they’re sure to have a blast. It has that squishy rubber base that somehow makes it feel more cozy and safe. The slide is fast (good design, no doubt) but best utilized with long pants.
There you have it. A fantastic family vacation in San Francisco! And really, I have to say it was my favorite trip yet.
It used to be so easy to shop for my kids. I’d see something cute, buy it, and they’d wear it. Hassle free.
Toward the end of elementary school, that simple process became much more complicated. I’d see something cute, buy it, bring it home and they’d say things like,
“Uh. Who’s that for? That’s not for me, is it?”
“Aw, Mom. That’s so sweet. I would’ve loved that, like, three years ago. Maybe you can send it to [my cousin]!”
“Uh, mom, nobody wears polos anymore.”
“That. is. so. gay.” (Not that there’s anything wrong with that…)
“[insert name of popular clothing store here] Do you know what kids think that stands for? Sorry, Mom. I can’t wear that.”
Or even, simply “Uh, no.”
Shopping for kids’ clothes became a chore. Or something for which I had to reserve a block of time to be sure to have the kids with me. As busy as we are, that last option was less and less realistic.
So, last weekend, I took one of my kids to a birthday party at one of those Laser Tag places. Where we live, they’re about half an hour away and near some great outlets, so after I drop them off, I like to stay in the vicinity and shop. At the first store, I found a funky shirt and some shoes that I thought my daughter might like, but knew that if she hated them, there was no way I’d drive back out there just to return them. So I called her and tried to describe them to her, starting with the shirt.
Me: “Okay, well, it’s a long sleeved shirt. Black on the back and the sleeves, white in the front with a funky design.”
DD: “What kind of design?”
Me: “It’s a sketch of a lady. She looks sort of sophisticated but in a cartoony kind of way.”
DD: “Mm hmm…”
Me: “And there’s this circle guy next to her. He looks kind of like a tire, or kind of like a big Cheerio. He has stick feet and arms and he looks as if he’s sort of waving his little arms.”
DD: “Wha??”
Me: “You just have to see it. The characters look a little bit like the cartoons that you draw, so I thought you might like it.”
DD: “Why don’t you send me a picture?”
Pause. Is she being sarcastic?
DD: “No, really, Mom. Take a picture with your phone and email it to me.”
Brilliant idea!! Why hadn’t I thought of that!?
So I e-mailed pictures of the shirt and the shoes, kept shopping and within minutes, she saw the photos and said, “Mom, that shirt’s great! That’s not at all how I pictured it when you were just describing it. I love it! Yes, get it! And the shoes are great, too!”
I walked out of there with a huge grin on my face, knowing there was a happy little tween at home eagerly awaiting her new clothes.
It’s a whole new way of shopping! Oh, I love technology.
Do you believe that there are people who bake and people who cook but very few who do both?
I love to bake. Brownies, cakes, any kind of dessert. Give me a recipe and I’ll follow it meticulously (and make something that comes pretty close to the desired result). I just follow the recipe.
But cooking? As in, look in the pantry and the fridge and make something for dinner, drawing only from your experience and creativity? I’m in awe of people who can do that. It’s so foreign to me, that it’s like another world. I’m amazed by people who can throw together food and spices and make something delicious, just because they know what should go with what. I wish I could do that.
In fact, when I stopped working to stay home with my kids full time, I looked at the dinner hour like it was that giant Basilisk in Harry Potter.
Dinner was something I had to tackle, to take on, to conquer. Years later, I would still shudder when the kids grew old enough to ask, “Mom, what’s for dinner?” Ugh.
I’ve taken several different approaches to the dinnertime challenge over the years. I went through a phase where I was inspired by some of my friends (who are all great cooks) and actually spent hours poring over cookbooks and surfing the web, selecting recipes and making grocery lists, spent another hour or two going around to various stores to get all the ingredients, then made a schedule for all of it (what to cook when, with what, and which item to prepare first). Monday through Friday, I’d spend a good chunk of time making different meals and, night after night, I’d face lukewarm (if that) reactions from my kids.
It didn’t take long for me to figure out that I was trying way too hard. I felt discouraged and rejected. I’d expended all that effort and nobody even enjoyed the food. I soon stopped the planned menus, but I pulled back a little too far and started to rely on take-out food, mac & cheese, and pizza.
Then a friend told me about these assemble-your-own-dinnersplacesthat are popping up all over the country. Have you been to one of these? The idea is that you choose 6 or 8 or a dozen entrees, select the date and time you want to come in to their store, pay for it all in advance, then go in on your chosen day, assemble the ingredients, take it all home in a cooler, store the entrees in your freezer and cook each of them whenever you choose.
I went to a few of these pseudo kitchens several times, but my family quickly tired of the food and insisted they would rather “just have something simple.”
Okay…simple is good. I turned to the internet to look for “simple” recipes, then decided I would stick to basic, basic food (like grilling up some chicken, making mashed potatoes and sauteeing some green beans). But…each week I would make one special dinner. One week my son would choose, the next would be my daughter’s turn.
I had the kids write lists of the kinds of things they really liked to eat. My son wrote that he would be happy if we could alternate days of burgers and pizza. Uh huh. Well, that would not work for the rest of us — most of whom don’t like eating meat and some of whom don’t like pizza. I explained how the list was not like an order form. I wasn’t going to make whatever they wrote on the lists. Rather, I would occasionally make their favorites. The rest of the time would be standard fare, like tacos, chicken, pasta, and quesadillas with soup.
When the time came to make the burgers, I hesitated. I don’t like eating burgers at all (haven’t had one in probably about 15 years) and, for some reason, I don’t even like to make them. When I have tried to make them, they’re just not that good. I’m so lousy at just throwing things together (which is why I relied on the recipes from cookbooks & websites and, when that failed, had to turn to take out and those pseudo kitchens). I was operating at the extremes. I went from knocking myself out with dinnertimes that were overly elaborate (or way too labor intensive) to ordering pizza.
So I turned to the web. It’s known as a place that’s great for recipes of all types, right? I wondered whether I could find simple, everyday recipes and somehow make dinner more enjoyable for all of us. I found many blogsthattalked about food, some that simplified cooking (a little too much, perhaps), many that captured images of food in gorgeous pictures, and many that offered fantastic, healthy recipes.
And I found a site called Hot Moms Cook — everyday moms (who happen to be gorgeous!) making everyday food and sharing some of their kid friendly recipes.
I spotted their recipe for Burger Bites. My kids have always like food that looks good and are especially fond of diminutive food, so these little burgers seemed promising.
Generally speaking, I’ve had pretty good success when I do interesting things with the presentation of the kids’ food — I’m talking about simple changes like blue food coloring in water — not elaborate things like making smiley faces into grilled breakfast meat like this one over at Pete’s place (how’d he do that?!) or making amazing pictures out of the foam in hot chocolate (as the baristas at coffeebars from Seattle, WA to Marblehead, MA are trained to do).
As an aside, for you coffee lovers out there, if you want to see a master in action, check this out:
Oh, how I wish I could do that…
But, back to the burgers. These little burgers looked cute and seemed fun to make.
The Hot Moms Cook recipe modifies a basic burger recipe. The teeny tiny buns are made from basic Pillsbury breadstick dough that you cut into little rectangles and, while they are baking, prep the meat to put it in the oven. Burgers? In an oven? Yes, but trust me, it works. You add a few things to the meat, then spread it out in a 9×13 pan. Bake it, add cheese at the end if the kids like it, then slice it up (quickly) and add the beefy rectangles to the bread rectangles and voila! a platter of burger bites. It might seem like more work than your average burger, but maybe you can get the kids to help. It’s worth it.
I’m telling you, the kids devoured these little gems and my son said, “Mom! This is the best thing you’ve ever made for us!” Even I ate them and they were delicious! Add some veggies with crinkly fries on the side or, for little kids, some of those smiley potatoes and you’re good to go.
If you haven’t visited Hot Moms Cook, go on over there for some new kid-friendly recipes. I’m feeling so grateful to have found them.
My time on the web helped me to see what “simple” means. Now I’m thinking that I’ll still use things like Epicurious, but only once in a while. Everyday dinners can be burger bites or chicken & mashed potatoes or spaghetti. I may never be a creative cook, but at least I can let go of the pressure and stress to make all those lists and spend all that time creating weekly balanced menus.
Great. Gives me more time to practice my latte art.
